Blessed

I am sure many of you are wondering how in the world the title of my blog can be blessed. Honestly, I myself, wonder how in the world I can feel blessed right now with all I have going on. I have a semi minor problem with the fact that I am 22 weeks pregnant with no name for my son to a huge, major, terrible problem finding out my 2 year old daughter has a brain tumor. So, please allow me to explain. First of all, I feel blessed that we even FOUND the tumor as soon as we did. I can see God's hands ALL OVER the situation. The fact that the ER pedi thought we should do a CT.  The fact that we LEFT the ER and then Nick made me come back. Lastly, the fact that they reccommended an MRI, when instead they could have contributed the results to a very busy 2 year old who doesn't like to be held down and doesn't like to be away from her Mommy. I also feel the neurosurgeon is a blessing from God. I don't know where she is from, whether she moved back to Shreveport after med school or she just "happened" to be here, but I like to think that she is here specifically for us. To operate on MY child if that is the plan God has for us. She is here with one of the best neurosurgeons in the business. She did her residency at St. Jude for goodness sakes!! How better prepared can she be?! I have to say, as much as I am glad she is here, I really, really believe and pray that she will be out of a job when it comes to operating on my baby girl.  I feel blessed from all the prayers, love and overwhelming support we have received from family, friends and people who don't even know us! To know that people in Liberia and other countries are praying for us!! What a blessing! Shayleigh has made an impact on those around us, but is also making an impact on others around the world! What a testimony it will be to be COMPLETELY HEALED!! Hopefully others will hear of her and will realize God STILL DOES MIRACLES! Woudn't it be amazing if people came to Jesus because of my little 2 year old girl?!?! I also feel blessed that apparently many have been praying for peace for Nick and I. I have NEVER been so calm in my ENTIRE LIFE!! I am a VERY anxious person. I worry about EVERYTHING- significant and insignificant....EVERYTHING. Yet, I have a peace. I am a pessimistic person. I have been optimistic. I have had a few "normal" times, but for the most part I have been super calm. Just handling it. I can ONLY attribute it to the prayers! I feel blessed that Nick and I decided to become more involved in church. I needed a few years away from church after going through a church split and drama that unfortunately my parents tried to shield me from, but I saw anyway. Nick and I now have such a wonderful church family. We know them and they know us and we can all love on one another. I am so grateful for that! I also feel blessed that we started studying James in Sunday School. James, a book that Nick was one to suggest. I keep remembering the verse we learned at the beginning of our study "Consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete lacking nothing. (James 1:2-4)."  I have quoted that verse at least a million times since last Tuesday. I also feel blessed because I am learning to trust. I am learning what faith really is. I am learning to give it all to God. I love my little girl. I want the best for her. It kills me that I can't fix her problem, but I know the Man who can and I am trusting and believing that he will hear our cries and heal our little girl! I was brought up in church. I have always known about God, but never before have I trusted him like I am now! I have always been real unsure about showing faith. I didn't want to have people look at me and be like "well, she says she is a Christian, but she is doing such and such." Now, I have to be the one who is strong. The one who tells others she is going to be fine. God is going to heal her! And I have to BELIEVE it!! God knows I want to take over and fix it all, I think that is human nature, but that isn't what God wants. I know that God is trying to teach us something  by allowing us to go through this awful time. I am also blessed by an amazing husband. He has been a rock! He has been sweet and uplifting. I am also blessed with my little girl. The one who many are praying for. She is such a blessing to Nick and I! She makes us laugh. Her smile lights up a room. Her sweetness is just precious. She has been such a trooper. Children are so intuitive, and she knows something is going on, but she is more worried about taking care of mommy and daddy. She has been giving us hugs and kisses and just been a little cuddle bug. I am also blessed with an amazing family. My mom was able to come up and spend a few days with us after we came home. God bless her. She is the one who reminded us that we need to be praying for a miracle because God can do it!! I could go on and on about the other blessings, but honestly I am worn out from a busy day. We have NOT stopped!! I have been keeping up with my blog as a therapeutic release for me, and I was laying in bed about to take a nap when I felt like I needed to get out of bed and type up this blog. I hope that it helps someone. I hope that it gives comfort to someone. Please continue to pray for a miracle for our Shayleigh. Please continue to pray for us as we have a busy week next week. Please continue to pray for peace for our family. Thank you.

Until next time,

Nikki